my toes in the water, a cold drink in my hand...

So this was a wonderful weekend. My family went to Gulf Shores for the weekend, it was so much fun. We went browsing through the Shrimp Festival, they had some amazing arts and crafts stuff. I had a lot of fun walking through and looking at everything, I wish I had some money to actually buy some of the cool stuff I saw there. Other than that, it was a lot of chilling on the beach...well, more on the balcony than the beach, and even doing a little bit of studying. It was really nice to have time with my family, I miss being around them and not stressed out. And tomorrow I'm taking my wonderful friends to the state fair for the first time. I didn't get to go last year, so I've really excited and so are they, I think. Funnel cake, fun rides, it's going to be a good night. :)

Now it's back to studying for me, have a good night out there in internet land.

Friday night before test week...

And I'm sitting on the couch with one of the most amazing friends I've ever made listening to sappy music and looking at wedding dresses. Am I crazy? Maybe, but it's the kind of craziness that keeps me sane these days. Sometimes I just need a moment to step back from the all-consuming black hole that is M2 year and be reminded of what really matters in my life. It's nights like this that remind me of just how lucky I am. I have the most amazing parents a girl good ask for - they raised me to have good manners, a head that's screwed on straight, and what in today's society would probably be unrealistic and idealistic ideas about what love and marriage are supposed to be like. But I'm ok with that. The older I get, the more I start to realize just how much my sister means to me too... Maybe she isn't just the annoying pain in the ass I used to think she was. I have wonderful cousins (of all ages) that I couldn't imagine my life without. In the friend department, I have been blessed more times than I can count. Some of them I've known since birth, some from elementary/high school, and others have just recently come into my life... But they all have a very special place in my heart. It's funny how God can lead us to places or people in our lives that completely reshape our worlds. I have problems remembering to "let go and let God"... Thankfully there are times that He basically slaps me upside the head and forces me to see things His way. Those are usually the moments that lead to my entire world changing... times where somebody walks into my life that changes it so totally and completely that I simply couldn't go back to being the person I was before that moment happened.

Sometimes I think I'm crazy for falling for a Marine. Sometimes I think I'm just asking for trouble for getting into this long-distance thing, especially with med school. Most especially with this deployment business. But then I see him, I hear his voice on the phone, I get a text or an email from him right when I need it the most, and I remember why I'm doing this. I remember why I fell for him in the first place, why I know that he's the one I will spend the rest of my life with. It's because at that moment, I was smart enough to let go and let God... and God gave me him.

med school...fun?

I guess it's time for an update...

Life has felt a little bit like a slow whirlwind. Does that even make sense? It's like time is crawling by, but then I turn around and think "it's already been 3 weeks!?". School is going well, I think. There's been a few freakout-worthy moments, but they pass. And when I go back to look at that material again, I start to wonder why it had me so freaked to begin with. I'm still excited about this year, even when it's scary. That four-letter word that's coming up next summer (STEP 1) is very scary, but I think I will be able to handle it when the time comes.

In other news, I have the best friends in the world. They keep me from going crazy. We had a girls night with my Momma last week, painting at Easely Amused. I'm always amazed at how my paintings turn out from there when I have so little artistic talent. I also have a very busy weekend planned, I'm going to my future nephew's birthday party Saturday, then have tickets for the symphony that night. I'm hoping I'll still go to it, I think it would be fun to have a grown-ups night out.

Now if only I can make it to Christmas...

new year, new me

It's been a while since I updated, and and a lot has happened. I finished my month in the ER, and I already can't wait to get back in there. I think I've found my calling, and it feels so good. :)  I also had a little bit of time to do nothing, which was fabulous. It was my last chance to have some freedom, my final summer break. I went to Universal Studios, checked out the Harry Potter park (yes I am that kind of dork), and then I had 14 days of nothingness. Glorious, enjoyable, wonderful nothingness.

In other news, school starts Monday. Yay for M2 year... not quite sure if that is real or sarcasm. All I know is that I only have one more year until I get to work full time with patients, and I absolutely CAN NOT WAIT. This is my calling, my love, my purpose in life. And this next year, I'll actually be learning stuff that matters. I'm both terrified and oh so excited about starting classes.

Now I'm going to finish this Grey's Anatomy marathon with my "Meredith"... she's my person :)

trauma, trauma, trauma

I witnessed my first code tonight. It was intense, and it didn't end well. Of course, it wasn't sounding good from the get go... MVC with prolonged extraction and a BP in the 60s on scene... but then to see the stretcher coming down from the heli-pad with a nurse already straddling the patient and doing chest compressions? Yeah, not good. It was kind of cool though, from an observer's perspective, to see the way everyone came together in that room. I've seen several traumas now, with the ER docs, trauma surgeons, and nurses all doing their thing to get the patient stabilized, but this was different. This was everybody doing everything they could all for the exact same goal, to get that heart to start beating again. Unfortunately, it didn't happen. After about 15 minutes (plus another 10 before they landed), they called it. Almost anticlimatic actually, after everything that had been going on before that. So there you have it, my first code and my first witnessed death... what a way to start the night.

In other news, I think I'm finally getting comfortable and confident in the ER. I had my first suturing experience yesterday, and although it didn't go as smoothly as I'd hoped it would, I still did it. And tonight I attempted to get an arterial line in a patient. I almost had it too! Hit the artery relatively easily, but the stupid wire wouldn't thread. I felt a little bummed, but it helped when the resident couldn't get one either. I also watched a fellow student intubate a patient. That's next on my list. I just wish it wasn't almost my last week already! I foresee a lot of "free time" trips back down there in the future.

random thoughts from my brain at 1AM...

I think I did the math right... If not, forgive me. It's been a long day.

52.5 - hours since he last called me.
190 - roughly the number of days until I get to see him again.
540 - days til he gets out and moves home for good.
912 - hours of summer left before M2 hell begins.
58 - months until I get my M.D.
333 - days of med school behind me already.
Now it's time for this tired ER student to get to sleep. Love y'all!

what a week!

I've been working night shifts in the ER for a week, and I love it! Working the 4th of July let me see some CRAZY stuff... It's settled down a bit since then, but still some crazy/fun stuff to see and do. The residents are awesome though, and really helpful about teaching me stuff. I'm hoping I can start doing procedures soon!

What if?

It's amazing how powerful two little words can be. "What if" can bring to mind situations to make you smile, make you cry, make you feel ways you never thought possible. Most of my "what if" moments only last a brief second. I truly feel and believe that I am where I'm supposed to be and doing what I'm supposed to do. With that said, there's this one thing... What if, instead of going to med school, I was married and living as a Marine wife right now?

I can't deny that I've had this thought several times over the past 2 years. Most of the time, though, it passes very quickly. Like I said, I know I am where I'm supposed to be. But there's a few times, especially when I'm up there for extended periods of time (i.e. more than a weekend), that I truly wonder if it would be any better if that was my life. I know I would be happy there. Every time that I'm there, whether it's for a weekend or for weeks, it just feels natural. It feels RIGHT. I can honestly see myself up there and being happy with it. Having my own home there, my own little family... I know it's the life I gave up the day I sent in my admission to school. It's my other future, my "would have been". Maybe that's why it's so hard to stop thinking about the "what if" now, after spending a week there. I have friends up there, I have the love of my life up there, I have the life I've always wanted up there. And yet, I'm down here. Without him.

Yes, I have friends here, I have family here, and I am happy.

But I can't help but think... What if?

another day, another dollar

I've been working for 2 weeks now. Crazy to think it's been that long. I really enjoyed house medicine, my resident and intern were absolutely fantastic. They went out of their way to explain everything to me, and I feel like I learned an incredible amount of info... Hard to believe it's been only 2 weeks! But, while I really enjoyed my time there and everything I was learning....I never felt that spark, that excitement that comes when you just KNOW that you're where you're meant to be. And then comes today. My attending is off this week, so he set me up with people in all the "-ologies" as my mom called it. Hematology, Rheumatology, Endocrinology... I'm excited about having all sorts of different experiences. And I'm already truly amazed at how friendly everyone has been, and how willing to teach and explain they all are. So today I went to rounds in hematology, and to be honest, I was expecting it to just be another day. Another day, another dollar. But instead, being up there just felt almost perfect. It's a little weird, how I can say that I "love" cancer. Because it isn't really the cancer that I'm pulled toward. It's the people, and the relationships that develop. I may not have much experience with hem/onc from the physician side yet, but God knows I've seen way more than my fair share from the patient's family side. I've seen that patient-doctor relationship, and it's amazing to me.

Maybe I found my calling? I'm not quite sure yet, but I did prove today that hem/onc is definitely one of my top choices for my future. Fingers are crossed that I enjoy next month in the ER too, and that God will show me where I'm supposed to be. :)

a glimpse into the future?

Whoever came up with this idea for Dean's Clinical Observership deserves a medal. It's an awesome program. I'm absolutely LOVING my time in internal medicine so far. Hospitalist service is pretty cool, my attending and residents are incredibly nice and helpful... I feel like I'm learning so much. Keeping my fingers crossed that it'll stick and help me in my next year of classes. The M3s on "my" team just started today. They seem really nice, but at the same time, it makes me feel a little uncomfortable, both in my lack of knowledge and because I'm worried about being in their way. I guess we'll all figure it out in a few days.

As for another "look" into the future... I have one every time I look down at my left hand. That pretty, shiny diamond ring still looks a little funny. I'm so not used to it. But I'm also very excited. I know I've found my soulmate, the one person I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him. I've thought and prayed long and hard about us getting married, and although I would love to take the plunge ASAP, I know that it would be smarter (and in the end, probably better) if we wait for him to move home for good. So 1.5 years until I see the love of my life every day, and probably closer to 2 until I can call him my husband. :)

I love my life right now. Love, love, love, love, LOVE. <3

Summertime, Summertime!

It's hard to believe I've been out of school for almost 2 weeks now. They've been some crazy busy weeks too. I spent last weekend up in NC, went to an airshow on my bf's base up there. It was really cool too, first time I've been to one since I was a real little kid. Then, the best part of all... He got to come home with me too! For a whole other week. I love him being home, I miss him so much when he's gone... And we've had such a good time. I think med school has ruined my ability to do nothing. But I'm not complaining, I wouldn't change it for anything.

Went to NOLA with Brent's family yesterday. Saw the aquarium and French Quarter, had an awesome dinner at Margaritaville. It was lots of fun, and the kids were really well behaved. I have to say, I was impressed! I absolutely love the fact that he loves his family as much as I love mine. It makes things so nice, and so much easier. :)

Now we have Memorial Day weekend coming up, and it's going to be a 3-day long pool party! I'm pretty excited, it's going to be a fun time. Now it's time to get off this dang computer. Later y'all. :)

Mommas and Finals...

It's Mothers Day...

I love my mom to death. She's absolutely by far the best mother in the whole world, in my mind at least. I can't even begin to describe everything she does for me, but I do know that the most important thing is that she's always there to listen... Whether it's about school, boys, friends, or just the everyday happenings of life... If I want someone to talk to, she's always right there. I don't know where I would be without her. So to my mommy... Happy Mothers Day from a very grateful and loving daughter. :)

Other than that, it's just been a study weekend. A study-all-weekend kind of study weekend. Dad's family was here for lunch today, with it being Mothers Day and all. That means we had good food, and I even let myself stay downstairs long enough to visit with everyone. I miss my family. I miss being able to go to the pool parties every weekend, or the after-church lunches whereI don't feel guilty for visiting instead of hurrying back to study, I just miss being around these people that I love so very much, and that I have seen so very little of this past year. Thank goodness we're almost done. I seriously don't think I could do it much longer. Which brings me back to this weekend... It's finals week. Hip hip hooray. Can you hear the sarcasm? At least it's almost over. The HELL that is M1 year? Yeah, that's 5 days away from being history. And I CAN. NOT. WAIT. only 2 days of class and 3 test days standing in my way. That's right, there's only 5 tests between me and my summer of freedom before M2 year. Guess that means it's time for me to get back to getting my study on. I will make it through this. Praise the Lord!

12 days ang counting!

I can't believe we're almost done... M1 year truly is almost over. 12 days of class and 4 tests until I can say I survived my first year of medical school. I cannot WAIT until that day! I'm also so very thankful that last week is over. It was hell, pure and utter hell... But I will make sure that this coming week is better. 2 weeks of classes to go, and I'm going to make it the best it can be!

Anyway, now it's time to go study again. Yay med school.

To our military...

Those of you who know me probably realize how I feel about our nation's military. Considering that the love of my life is in the Marines and getting ready to deploy....yeah. But even before that, I've always felt that the men and women who are willing to put themselves in harm's way for our country and our freedom deserve a hell of a lot more respect and thanks than what they get. Anyway, this post just came about because somebody emailed me a link to a "thank your military" video, and it got me feeling a little bit mushy-gushy.

So this is dedicated to everyone out there that is serving or has served in any branch of this great nation's military. You are appreciated, loved, and prayed for every day. There are people in the country that realize how much you sacrifice, how much you suffer, for us to feel safe. And it truly is because of you that we can live each day without worry. So to all our soldiers and veterans... THANK YOU! :)

sucker-punched

Today's my birthday. I have to admit, it started off as what could very possibly be the best one yet. Last night, I had Mexican with M, N, A, and RA... It was lots of fun, laughter, yummy food, and 2 for 1 margaritas. I didn't even mind when they LOUDLY sang happy birthday to me (twice, I might add) and smeared whipped cream on my face. After all, that is the custom at Mexican restaurants, and we did it to RA last time even though it wasn't her birthday. That was a fun night too. :) Coming home from that fabulously fun night out, I talked to B on the phone for ONE WHOLE HOUR! That's a pretty big deal for us, and it alone probably could have made my week.

This morning, I woke up in a good mood (which was a first in like 2 weeks), and of course Momma had strawberry muffins made. It's part of our tradition, along with dinner out. Tonight it's Bonefish Grill. I've never been there, but I've heard it's amazing. It was a great morning. So great, in fact, that I didn't even mind being at school at 8 AM for histo lecture. And THAT, if you don't know me, is a very big deal. Histo sucks. Fortunately, and another plus in my "happy birthday to me" column, today is the very last histo lecture/lab ever in the history of ever for me! All in all, as you might can tell, it's been a wonderful birthday so far.

Of course, it nevers fails that with some happiness there has to be a shadow of sadness as well. I learned this morning that a friend of mine from high school lost her boyfriend in a tragic accident. This news hit me like a sucker-punch... A shock back to reality on a day that I had been floating on cloud nine. It's always hard to lose someone, but especially someone so young and so suddenly. Please pray for comfort, solace, and healing for his family, Kristy, and their little baby girl during this hard time.

Oh Neuro...

So today was our first test day from Hades this quarter. 3 tests in one day. WOW. It was something else for sure. But after a week straight of studying, I'm definitely enjoying a night of relaxing with my two favorite girls, M and N. :) Good food, old movies, and some much needed relaxation... What more could a girl ask for?

And on another side of life, B is moving to his new squadron today. I know I should be happy for him, and I am. It's what he's always wanted, and he's so excited about it that it's kind of cute. But on the other hand, it just kind of sucks. I liked him being nondeployable and knowing that he would always be safe. And granted, a boat to Japan isn't really that dangerous either, but he's going to be so far away. I don't know what to expect from this, and trying to deal with it while I'm going through school at the same time is just plain going to suck. Oh well. Let's cross that bridge when we come to it. I'm going back to The Mighty Ducks now. :)

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Virtual screaming - almost as good at relieving stress as the real deal. A real scream, however, might attract undue attention from my parents downstairs at this particular moment. :)

I don't have a lot to say, just felt like updating this thing... So here are the points I would like to make at this particular moment:

1) I think neuro is a "sink or swim" kind of class...and right now, I'm definitely drowning. I didn't realize how much I've taken breathing easy for the first half of this semester for granted, but now I feel like I'm struggling for air. I've got to fix this ASAP.

2) Boys are stupid. Well, maybe not stupid per say, but they definitely seem to be missing this little piece of their brain that makes them actually GET it when there's a problem. Maybe that should be my goal in neuro, to find out what part of the brain that is that females seem to have a perfectly good grasp on, but males are completely lacking.

3) I find it slightly amusing (but only slightly) that the two things most important things in my life are making me completely and utterly miserable these days... And yet, I can't even say that if I could go back and do it all over again, I would do it any other way. Even knowing how miserable it would make me. Does this make me a glutton for punishment? Probably, but that's the life of a M1. :)

4) It's funny how on the days that make you want to pull your hair out or curl up into a ball and cry for hours, you hear/see something that makes you realize just how fortunate you really are. Today was one of those days. I really don't think I could be any luckier... I have an amazing family that loves and supports me, the most awesome group of friends a girl could ask for, and a man that adores me. There's a lot of people in the world that don't have any of those things.

5) And on a more positive note, there's only 7 weeks of school left. I'm finally coming back out of my shell and being more active in school (I started out that way, then regressed, but now... I'm back baby!

Back to Reality

So this past week was AMAZING. I always enjoy spring break and not being in school, but this year's was so much better than normal. The last week of school was terrible, but I made it through and onto 7 days of bliss in the Caribbean. We went cruising out of New Orleans and spent 3 days on the boat and 3 days in port....Belize City Belize, Isla Roatan Honduras, and Cozumel Mexico. It was absolute heaven! Sunshine for the most part, temps in the 80s, and some of the most gorgeous water I've ever seen in my life. Snorkeling in Belize was b-e-a-u-tiful!!!! Zip-lining and playing with the monkeys in Roatan was incredible, and Cozumel was awesome as ever. Oh, and you can't go cruising without mentioning the food. So much food, all so delicious. I'm pretty sure I gained 10 pounds in the past week, but it was oh so worth it!

Unfortunately, now it's back to reality. As if to welcome us home from our break, it was freezing cold yesterday and SNOWING!!!! Ugh. I really never thought I would see a time when I was sick of snow in Mississippi. Now school has started back, and I can already tell I best get paddling if I want to stay afloat for these last 8 weeks. Med school is definitely a "sink or swim" kind of thing when it comes to classes. Fingers crossed for pulling off a 4.0 "semester" for once...

And when everyone said it can't be done.....Ducks fly together!

So I've had random lines from The Mighty Ducks popping into my head throughout the day, thanks to one of my med school friend's facebook statuses this morning. It makes me laugh and miss those good ole days when I was a kid. I couldn't tell you how many times I've seen that movie, and I'm making M and N watch it with me again after spring break. :)

Other than that, school sucks as always. This has been physiology hell week. Respiratory test Monday, cumulative final today (Wednesday), and our NBME board exam in phys on Friday. Thank God it's spring break after that!

I'm very glad that I have something to look forward to right now. And I'm very blessed that I have the wonderful family I have, and that we are able to go on vacations like our cruise. I feel so bad...I have a great life, and I really shouldn't complain...but right now, it's hard not to. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I don't know, maybe it's just that 'kick 'em when they're down" mentality but it just seems like everything that could possibly go bad has gone bad lately. I finally had the talk I've been dreading with my mom, and that just went over swimmingly. Ugh. I was informed, the night before a major test, that the love of my life is getting deployed this summer. I've had 6 tests in the past two weeks, and another one coming up Friday....this is the definition of stressed out.

And on top of all that, I've been missing Aunt Lorrie really bad lately. I wish I could talk to her, about all of it. She was always the one that was interested in what I was learning in school, which probably came from her being a nurse, and I could really use her advice on other currently taboo subjects in my house. Gosh, I really do miss her..........

breathe in, breathe out, move on...

This past week has been hell. There's no other way to describe it. First the phys test was a real booger, although I left it feeling better than I expected. Got that grade back today too, it was my second-highest test grade this semester. Whoop whoop! And then Thursday we had histo. Ugh. I studied with M for 12 hours. 12 HOURS. I felt good, I felt confident, and I really thought I knew that stuff... Yeah, you can see where this is going, right? Well, I have never in my life walked out of a test feeling like that. I don't even know how to describe it... disappointed in myself, completely freaked out, and more than slightly mad at the teacher for making that test 100000000000000000x more difficult than it needed to be or SHOULD have been. And after that, the stress was multiplied about a thousandfold for doing well on the histo board that was this morning. Thankfully I feel ok about that one... no thanks to my actual course in histology, but because of my biochem classes from State. I always knew I'd love my major. :)

After the test things got better though. Went to Keifers for lunch with the best M1 girls and our favorite grad student ever. It was yummy and delicious as Keifers always is, and we had an awesome time talking and laughing and celebrating that pointless class being "histo-ry" as I heard someone call it... It was kind of funny too, since we ended up with a group about our size of 30-somethings on one side of us and another group of 50 to 60-somethings on the other side. We decided it was a peak into our future lives, both 10 years from now and 30 years from now. If I still have such amazing friends at that point in my life, I'll be doing great!

Now I'm just sitting at the house trying to get the mental energy to catch up on phys and genetics before those tests. And I'm mentally planning my wardrobe for Spring Break. I so cannot wait. This year it couldn't come at a better time.

12 DAYS TIL I'M CRUISING!!!!

Valentines Day...

For the past two weeks, I've been super excited about going to see B for Valentines Day. I bought my plane ticket like a month ago, and we had everything worked out for the weekend. I even had my whole wardrobe planned out (thanks to my girls) and my suitcase was almost completely packed... And then, guess what happens? A freak snowstorm hits the South and I find out tonight that my 6 AM flight has been cancelled. CANCELLED. Ugh. Why the hell is it snowing in MS anyway? And then, in the middle of an emotional breakdown, I realized that I had to deal with the airlines to get my money back for the plane ticket. What fun that was... well, is... since it's still an ongoing process currently.

In other news though, it's been a good week. M, N, and RA came to spend the night with me last weekend. That was pretty epic...like middle school all over again. And I can't wait to do it again! We studied a whole lot more than I expected, listened to good ole 90's music, raided my closets to find my clothes for this weekend, which as we've already established, isn't happening anymore. But it was still fun. And the Saints won the Super Bowl! Who ever would have actually expected such a thing... Poor Peyton Manning (NOT!). Maybe that's what happened to my flight... Hell and the whole world really is freezing over, because the Saints are world champs.

As far as school has been going, I definitely can't complain. Renal phys was sooooo much better for me than cardio, and I like the endocrine stuff we're doing now. Yay hormones! That's something I never thought I'd say, especially being a girl. In other classes... well, the only other class I have is histo, and boy oh boy is that one a treat. We have a wonderful teacher in charge (that's sarcasm people) who hates us and apparently writes tests so that we all fail. Whoopee! But I did surprisingly well on that test considering that I came out feeling like I had failed it.

That's about all I got for now. It's late, it's cold, and I'm still a little upset/out of it. Hopefully I'll find a time to get out there to see him soon, but judging by my schedule, that's looking close to impossible. Yay for med school... or FML... whichever you prefer. I'm so glad that I have such a wonderful boyfriend who understands and tries to make me feel better, even. when he's just as upset over it. I love him. So. Incredibly. Much. :)

What a day, what a day...

So this has been a day. I don't really know what else to say about it... It hasn't really been a bad day, yet it hasn't been good either. I've been in a basically unexplainable bad mood all day, which really sucks because when I don't know what's wrong, I don't know how to make it better. Thank god for M in class today... she let me vent, she made me laugh, she basically kept me sane. As always. :) Oh yes, and holy hell at the renal phys PBL this afternoon. The nephrologist that was in charge of our group was a trip... I've pretty much learned that field is definitely not for me. The man was obviously smart, but he had a terrible teaching style. That was the worst two hours I've ever had in a small group setting. But anyway, now it's time to go study for that test on Thursday.

Weekend Away...

So this is my weekend away from school... I'm in Baton Rouge visiting my bestest friends in the world. I love being here, and how it just basically feels completely normal to just sit around and do nothing with T. So far we've slept til noon, went to lunch and a movie, and now just watching tv and talking. I don't realize how much I miss her until we're together again. I guess it's just one of those "meant to be" kind of things.

Anyway, guess I might as well try to get a little studying done. Enjoy the rest of your weekend, I know I sure will!

Getting back down to business...

Well after 3 weeks, yesterday was finally our first test of the semester. Physiology... I'm still not sure what I think about it. The class that is. Thanks to my gunner friend and a very early morning meeting at Methodist, I'm pretty sure the test went well enough. Definitely better than I expected. It was all on cardiology, and I probably would have felt a lot better about it if I had kept up all along. But instead, I studied a little and played a lot. Of course, I have a wonderful group of friends to both study and play with... Dessert night was a blast, studying was productive and fun, and plenty of girl talk with some of the best girls on earth. I don't know how I made it through so much of the first semester without them, they make studying fun, they keep me sane, and they're definitely entertaining. Oh yeah, this is what school is meant to be like. :)

In other news, I performed my first surgery on a live patient a couple weeks ago. Granted, it was on a pig and involved 3 other students and as many instructors, but it was so cool. My partner and I were awesome at the femoral caths, and actually seeing/feeling a beating heart... Wow. It was absolutely incredible. But I'm just still not quite sure that surgery is for me. I don't think I have the confidence for it, but maybe that'll come with experience. I also applied for a job doing peds research and clinic work this summer. My options are that or a clinical observership that the school also offers. I'm pretty excited, I think either one of those would be awesome. I can't wait to actually have real patient interaction, and a reminder of why I'm going through this in the first place. That's why I want to start going to the Jackson Free Clinic too, I'm planning on being there next weekend. And starting tonight, I'm staying caught up (and maybe even ahead) in all my classes.

Last night was our "med school movie night". A whole group of us went out to eat and went to see Extraordinary Measures. It was a good movie, an AWESOME night, and reminded me yet again why I was called to be a doctor. I'm not sure what kind of medicine I want to do, but I know I want to treat people, both the sick patients and their sick-with-worry families. M keeps telling me that I'll be a good doctor, I hope she's right. Of course, she also keeps trying to convince me that I'm going to do peds hem/onc. I guess we'll see where that goes.

And now, since I'm out of things to say and needing to go get busy before my sucky mood comes back with a vengeance (oh, by the way, thanks to M, N, and RA for giving me ice cream and laughter...you know that's the best way to turn a frown upside down)... It's time to crack open the phys book and start learning renal. Joy.

I wish you all health, happiness, and lots of love. I'll try to update again soon.

The World's Worst Day... And Snow!!!

I woke up this morning thinking that today would be the world's worst day. Why, you ask? Well, let's start from the beginning. My wonderful boyfriend of 2 years left to go back to NC at 6:00 this morning. I always hate it when he leaves... I'm in such a good mood when he's here, and we're both miserable when he leaves again. And on top of that (which would have ruined my day already), school started today too. After 2 weeks off, the idea of going back to daily grind of constant studying just does not appeal to me.

But then, when I pulled into a parking spot at school, something magical happened. It was SNOWING. In Mississippi. How can you be upset when it's snowing? And every time I walked outside all day, it was still snowing. Granted, it didn't come anywhere close to sticking, but it was SNOW!

So all in all, I didn't let the day get to me the way I thought it would. I'm convinced that the snow was God's way of telling me "buck up, cause it's all going to be ok". And I'm taking that message to heart. I finally found my New Year's resolution: to look for the bright side of everything, stay up and excited about school, and just in general make my life HAPPY again. Hope you and yours had a wonderful holiday season, and I hope the week brings you plenty of happiness and good fortune.